Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My bed smells like the plague
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
