Ambien. No doubt about it.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
