I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We need to rekindle our bromance
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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