fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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