he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure