Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
This is the high leading the old right now
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
