even my farts smell like vagina
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.