her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for