i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
