they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I will be naked everywhere
you are never too drunk for berry picking
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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