best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
