Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
