New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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