so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
