Need sex. Gaining weight.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
