i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
