Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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