He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
