My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
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Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
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The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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