I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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