my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
