I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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