I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
third nipple confirmed
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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