we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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