That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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