He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
