oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
