I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
