hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
ttyl tear gas
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
