Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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