he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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