He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
