I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
