Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
operation have a gay friend backfired
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Randomize
