You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
