Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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