he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
