My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
