12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize