He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
