Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
