I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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