I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You made out with two different species that night
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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