Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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