Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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