ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
