he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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