halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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