I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
how do you play pong handcuffed?
MIDGETS
????
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
