I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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