Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
