Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
