it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
