I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
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