So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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