I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
