He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
