dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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