The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
