hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
