atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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