Im at strip club and am horny
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
