Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
