someone get that fucking seahorse.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
