I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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