Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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