You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
