so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
