he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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